How long have you had sex with your partner? If you have
trouble remembering it, you may be going through a stage of a sexual drought.
Both in relationships and at the individual level, it is normal to go through
phases in which you have less sexual libido. However, if this lack is
maintained for a prolonged period and affects you personally, you should look
for solutions.
The lack of sexual libido is a common problem that affects
both men and women at some point in their lives. "The loss of sexual
appetite can be caused by many factors: lack of sexual stimulation, low
self-esteem, lack of communication in the couple, stress, anxiety, taking some
drugs, some type of dysfunction ...", explains Valerie Tasso, sexologist,
writer and ambassador of LELO in Spain. However, there are a number of things
you can do to reactivate your libido and increase your sexual appetite, both
alone and with your partner:
1. What happens in the relationship?
The stress, the excess of worries and the rhythm of life
that we lead, together with the lack of communication, can contribute to the
loss of sexual desire. For communication to exist, the conversations must be
effective. “There are couples who say they talk a lot, but after two minutes
you realize that they don't understand each other, they don't listen to each
other and they don't even speak the same language,” says the expert. These
communication problems in sexology are known as sexual bilingualism.
To improve communication with the couple, there are a number
of keys that you can incorporate when talking with your partner. “You are
related to reproach, while we are related to cooperative and couple
communication," says Tasso. It is also important not to be insistent with
the subject, avoid reproaches about past events and know how to choose the time
to bring up the subject.
2. More stimuli!
Most cases of loss of sexual appetite are related to the
lack of stimuli. In this sense, advises sexologist feeding inspiration and
Fantasy through reading an erotic novel, play with smells that remind you of
good experiences, watching a movie or series erotic couple... "You have to
build a bridge between both members of the couple in which eroticism is
present, speaking and knowing how to listen to the other. Therefore, we must
stimulate the brain to generate sexual desires,”he says.
3. Work your self-esteem
Lack of self-esteem is a risk factor that increases the
occurrence of sexual problems and interrelates with sexual satisfaction. To
achieve good self-care and improve self-esteem, Valérie points out the
importance of accepting and loving oneself. For example, the sexologist
explains that “you can recognize how good there is in you and how well you do
things, by keeping a file or diary to write down the good things about
yourself; and at the end of the day, review mentally or in writing what you
have done well. ”
"Interestingly, we usually do the opposite, highlight
the negative of the day, but influencing good things will make you feel
good," he adds. In this line, knowing yourself and making changes in your
day to day life can help you feel better and feel more personal satisfaction.
But if we are not able to do it alone, it is best to go to a specialist, since
“some people are not able to control and accept what happens around them. The
therapist will give you those keys necessary to be able to face what for you
seem to have no solution,”explains Tasso.
4. Innova to find the best feelings
Sex is also affected by routine. In couple life, the routine
loop often leads to a lack of appetite. And remember that technology has been
added to this world in erotic toys, so it may be interesting to incorporate
into our sexual life new elements that allow for example to improve clitoral
stimulation and experience new sensations.
5. Masturbating
If you still do not, what are you waiting for? Contrary to
what people think, masturbating does not reduce desire, but quite the opposite.
According to Tasso, masturbation “is absolutely essential to learn to know and
love each other. And when one loves oneself, only when one loves oneself, is
one able to love others. Masturbation is not a practice that replaces others
when there is no sex, but it is a practice in itself, one more erotic, such as
intercourse or oral sex. ”
6. Do not hesitate to see a specialist
The sexual libido always waxes and wanes and is quite
normal. However, the sexologist points out that, if this situation causes a
real problem and repeats itself over time, the time has come to go to a
specialist: “Perhaps what we think is something unusual and a big problem, is
more normal of what we believe the specialist's job is to open our eyes and
help us.” It is also advisable to go when you perceive a sudden change in your
body or sexual desire that is when against all logic, you stop experiencing
certain pleasant sensations.
The brain is the most powerful or sexual organ, so it needs
to be stimulated. By putting these tips into practice, you will be able to do
it and lift your sexual libido from lethargy. What is time!
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